Heaving Devotions

Isn't the mind strange? It records so many sounds, smells, and feelings and categorizes them into neat little files in your head. Sometimes you dont want them to categorize them a certain way.

For instance, certain songs have been put in a HORRIBLE file and wont get out. I guess they are hard to move or something. Here's a list of songs that I cant listen without thinking of certain people/certain memories:

pretty much anything by Neutral Milk Hotel
Time To Pretend- MGMT
Paper Planes-MIA
Kissing The Lipless- The shins
The Blowers Daughter- I forget who sings this at the moment
Bohemian Rhapsody- Queen
Sirius- Pelican

There's a lot more but I cant think of them because I only remember when they come on. A lot have to do with heartbreak. Some have to do with an exact point in time that I'll never get back. Windows down, braiding my hair. Sitting on an old blue recliner and watching Andy on the computer. Coming home from Disneyland and screaming lyrics that I know by heart. Driving in my car doing things that only him and I understand. Taking my second boyfriend's virginity. Prom. The songs and the memories dont go in that order. I sometimes wish I didnt have this problem, but then I think songs are meant to be remembered as memories.

Smells from the world bombard me daily. I've smelled Australia lately. And I smelled the Dominican a while ago. There's certain perfumes and colognes that I smell sometimes that bring me back to people. Driving by the water treatment plant reminds me of Chris's smell. Cameron's smell makes me crazy. If I smell it somewhere I have to find where it's coming from because it makes my heart hurt a little bit. Thinking of him in general makes my heart hurt. Dee's smell makes me happy. Makes me think of having some weird connection with her. I dream about her regularly. I think about her all the time. I miss her, a lot. It's the strangest thing. It's not a 'aw, I miss that girl'. It's a deep down hunger pang for her company. Kelsey's smell comforts me so much, I know I'm home when I smell it. My favorite smell memories are from places I've been. My heart forms a great bond with the places I travel to.

Whenever I floss my teeth it reminds me of being little and trying to get playdough cups open. And then my teeth hurt from the memory.


Minds are so strange. Why does my brain keep those connections from songs/smells/feelings to bad memories? Ones that rock my foundation and make my heart ache.